The House That Will Never Be Home

We currently live in a beautiful home. We bought this home, first time home owners, about 3 years ago. We had been married for forty years and never owned, only rented. We were never really interested in owning a home and our credit would have never allowed it in the early years. God has been blessing us over the past several years and one day out of the blue my hubby told me we had an appointment to go look at some property and decide if we would like to have a home built there. It was almost too easy when I look back at our history.

Our first home when we got married was a small house on a large corner lot. The kitchen was very small and when we turned on the gas stove, we had about 3 seconds to exit the back door which was about two feet away from the stove. We could watch through the storm door as the door of the oven would blow open and flames shoot out. Then we went back in and all was well. Someone sat down in one of the chairs at our kitchen dinette one day and the leg went clean through the floor. The small house had two bedrooms, but the back bedroom had a fence that went up to the back half of the bedroom and started up again on the other side of that bedroom. The house was partially sitting on the neighbor’s lot and when he fenced his yard, he fenced right up to his property line instead of allowing that extra four feet. One Saturday morning we were awakened at 7 a.m. to someone using a power saw and sawing through the walls of that back room.

Believe it or not, that home was a jewel compared to some of our future homes. We struggled financially for years. The one thing my husband always told me was that I made every house a home that he was proud to come home to every evening. Believe me, it was not easy. For a time, we were homeless, and a sweet older lady let us move into her little motel and pay what we could as we could. We had one room with two double beds, and a bathroom, and three teenagers at the time. We ate a lot of ramen made with a coffee pot! But even there, I would put things in the room that made it ‘ours’ in the interim.

We now own a four bedroom, two bath home in a new housing edition. We are still working to get the backyard just the way we want it, but it is perfectly ‘HOME’. For the last two weeks, I have dreamed every night but one night about a much different house. It is ramshackle in the beginning with some jewels of bygone eras found here and there and I have fought to save them. We plan out everything we want to do and call a company to come in and do the work. There are moments of hilarity, moments of total confusion, and moments of recovery every night, same house. Then on the last night of the first week of dreaming of this house, everything shifted.

We threw a big outdoor bbq and everyone showed up to celebrate. Friends we have not seen for years were there. Family who had passed away so many years ago were there. More recent and loved friends all were there together, laughing and chatting. It seemed to be a great party. But then in the middle of that dream everything shifted and some of the folks got ugly. I was thrown back into the pain of my childhood and woke up crying and in terrible heart-pain.

I begged God for no more dreams about that house and that night did not dream at all that I know of. But the next night, and for the past five nights it has been the house again. Folks began breaking into our home to the point that I could no longer lock the doors. Each night the house deteriorated back to the point it was when we moved in and for the last two nights has gone so far beyond that point.

Last night, I dreamed there were slugs and centipedes everywhere. Walls, ceiling, furniture, light features, blinds. I was using flyswatters and paper towels and carrying around a box of salt, in attempt to get them all out of the house. I walked into the kitchen, turned on the light and there were rats having babies in the middle of the room. Hundreds of them. Baby bunnies and baby kittens were laying around with the baby rats, and I was trying to get them all outside to the lawn. Large raccoons wandered into the room and I grabbed a broom and was trying to shove them out.

I then heard these creaking sound and looked up and the ceiling over the dining room of this house was half gone and the other half was sagging terrible and I could see a set of large bare feet up there. Suddenly, the ceiling sagged further as the guy sat up and thanked me for letting him live up there with all his animals. He was scary looking and I knew that’s why all these animals were suddenly in my house. I was trying furiously how to ask him nicely to move on, when I realized one the rats I was trying to get out of my house was giving birth to more rats in my hands while I was carrying her out to the yard. There was so much chaos and fear, I was screaming and screaming for help but no one could hear me.

I would fight to wake up, knowing it was a dream, know that I was home safe, drift back off right into the midst of the nightmare again. Last night may have cured me from ever onting to sleep again in my life. For two weeks, save one night, I have run the gamut from moving into a fixer-upper to need someone to come and do a blower-upper. I wish I knew if there was any meaning to it or if it’s just another nightmare or if it’s Alzheimer’s related. What I do know if I want it, need it to be gone forever.

My brain feels scrambled this morning. I am so confused and upset by this ongoing dream that I do not know what to do with myself. I started out to make it a home but now despise it’s very existence in my sleep. I don’t know if there is a message her or not, but if it’s medicine induced, I will be med free. If it’s ALZ related, somebody better fix something fast in my brain. I cannot take another night of this dream.

About Karla Unger

I pray this website will be a blessing on your journey with God. I love blogging and teaching a Home Bible Study in an effort to touch your heart and let you know you are not alone in your life experiences. I depend and rely on God to keep going through the struggles of life which connect all of us to our own humanity. With God ~ possibilities abound!
This entry was posted in Alzheimer's, Alzheimer's Awareness, Dreams, Early-onset Alzheimer's, Finding Your Way, Grief Living, Nightmares and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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